The roots of pedophilia
Pedophiles are attracted to prepubescent children
and act on their sexual fantasies. It is a startling fact that the etiology of
this paraphilia is unknown. Pedophiles comes from all walks of life and have no
common socio-economic background. Contrary to media-propagated myths, most of
them had not been sexually abused in childhood and the vast majority of pedophiles
are also drawn to adults of the opposite sex (are heterosexuals).
Only a few belong to the Exclusive Type - the ones
who are tempted solely by kids. Nine tenths of all pedophiles are male. They
are fascinated by preteen females, teenage males, or (more rarely) both.
Moreover, at least one fifth (and probably more) of
the population have pedophiliac fantasies. The prevalence of child pornography
and child prostitution prove it. Pedophiles start out as "normal"
people and are profoundly shocked and distressed to discover their illicit
sexual preference for the prepubertal. The process and mechanisms of transition
from socially acceptable sexuality to much-condemned (and criminal) pedophilia
are still largely mysterious.
Pedophiles seem to have narcissistic and antisocial
(psychopathic) traits. They lack empathy for their victims and express no
remorse for their actions. They are in denial and, being pathological
confabulators, they rationalize their transgressions, claiming that the
children were merely being educated for their own good and, anyhow, derived
great pleasure from it.
The pedophile's ego-syntony rests on his
alloplastic defenses. He generally tends to blame others (or the world or the
"system") for his misfortunes, failures, and deficiencies. Pedophiles
frequently accuse their victims of acting promiscuously, of "coming on to
them", of actively tempting, provoking, and luring (or even trapping)
them.
The pedophile - similar to the autistic patient -
misinterprets the child's body language and inter-personal cues. His social
communication skills are impaired and he fails to adjust information gained to
the surrounding circumstances (for instance, to the kid's age and maturity).
Coupled with his lack of empathy, this recurrent
inability to truly comprehend others cause the pedophile to objectify the
targets of his lasciviousness. Pedophilia is, in essence, auto-erotic. The
pedophile uses children's bodies to masturbate with. Hence the success of the
Internet among pedophiles: it offers disembodied, anonymous, masturbatory sex.
Children in cyberspace are mere representations - often nothing more than
erotic photos and screen names.
It is crucial to realize that pedophiles are not
enticed by the children themselves, by their bodies, or by their budding and
nubile sexuality (remember Nabokov's Lolita?). Rather, pedophiles are drawn to
what children symbolize, to what preadolescents stand for and represent.
To the pedophile ...
I. Sex with children is "free" and
"daring"
Sex with subteens implies freedom of action with
impunity. It enhances the pedophile's magical sense of omnipotence and
immunity. By defying the authority of the state and the edicts of his culture
and society, the pedophile experiences an adrenaline rush to which he gradually
becomes addicted. Illicit sex becomes the outlet for his urgent need to live
dangerously and recklessly.
The pedophile is on a quest to reassert control
over his life. Studies have consistently shown that pedophilia is associated
with anomic states (war, famine, epidemics) and with major life crises
(failure, relocation, infidelity of spouse, separation, divorce, unemployment,
bankruptcy, illness, death of the offender's nearest and dearest).
It is likely - though hitherto unsubstantiated by
research - that the typical pedophile is depressive and with a borderline
personality (low organization and fuzzy personal boundaries). Pedophiles are
reckless and emotionally labile. The pedophile's sense of self-worth is
volatile and dysregulated. He is likely to suffer from abandonment anxiety and
be a codependent or counterdependent.
Paradoxically, it is by seemingly losing control in
one aspect of his life (sex) that the pedophile re-acquires a sense of mastery.
The same mechanism is at work in the development of eating disorders. An
inhibitory deficit is somehow magically perceived as omnipotence.
II. Sex with children is corrupt and decadent
The pedophile makes frequent (though unconscious)
use of projection and projective identification in his relationships with
children. He makes his victims treat him the way he views himself - or
attributes to them traits and behaviors that are truly his.
The pedophile is aware of society's view of his
actions as vile, corrupt, forbidden, evil, and decadent (especially if the
pedophiliac act involves incest). He derives pleasure from the sleazy nature of
his pursuits because it tends to sustain his view of himself as
"bad", "a failure", "deserving of punishment",
and "guilty".
In extreme (mercifully uncommon) cases, the
pedophile projects these torturous feelings and self-perceptions onto his
victims. The children defiled and abused by his sexual attentions thus become
"rotten", "bad objects", guilty and punishable. This leads
to sexual sadism, lust rape, and snuff murders.
III. Sex with children is a reenactment of a
painful past
Many pedophile truly bond with their prey. To them,
children are the reification of innocence, genuineness, trust, and faithfulness
- qualities that the pedophile wishes to nostalgically recapture.
The relationship with the child provides the
pedophile with a "safe passage" to his own, repressed and fearful,
inner child. Through his victim, the pedophile gains access to his suppressed
and thwarted emotions. It is a fantasy-like second chance to reenact his childhood,
this time benignly. The pedophile's dream to make peace with his past comes
true transforming the interaction with the child to an exercise in wish
fulfillment.
IV. Sex with children is a shared psychosis
The pedophile treats "his" chosen child
as an object, an extension of himself, devoid of a separate existence and
denuded of distinct needs. He finds the child's submissiveness and gullibility
gratifying. He frowns on any sign of personal autonomy and regards it as a
threat. By intimidating, cajoling, charming, and making false promises, the
abuser isolates his prey from his family, school, peers, and from the rest of
society and, thus, makes the child's dependence on him total.
To the pedophile, the child is a "transitional
object" - a training ground on which to exercise his adult relationship
skills. The pedophile erroneously feels that the child will never betray and
abandon him, therefore guaranteeing "object constancy".
The pedophile – stealthily but unfailingly –
exploits the vulnerabilities in the psychological makeup of his victim. The
child may have low self-esteem, a fluctuating sense of self-worth, primitive
defence mechanisms, phobias, mental health problems, a disability, a history of
failure, bad relations with parents, siblings, teachers, or peers, or a
tendency to blame herself, or to feel inadequate (autoplastic neurosis). The
kid may come from an abusive family or environment – which conditioned her or
him to expect abuse as inevitable and "normal". In extreme and rare
cases – the victim is a masochist, possessed of an urge to seek ill-treatment
and pain.
The pedophile is the guru at the center of a cult.
Like other gurus, he demands complete obedience from his "partner".
He feels entitled to adulation and special treatment by his child-mate. He
punishes the wayward and the straying lambs. He enforces discipline.
The child finds himself in a twilight zone. The
pedophile imposes on him a shared psychosis, replete with persecutory
delusions, "enemies", mythical narratives, and apocalyptic scenarios
if he is flouted. The child is rendered the joint guardian of a horrible
secret.
The pedophile's control is based on ambiguity,
unpredictability, fuzziness, and ambient abuse. His ever-shifting whims
exclusively define right versus wrong, desirable and unwanted, what is to be
pursued and what to be avoided. He alone determines rights and obligations and
alters them at will.
The typical pedophile is a micro-manager. He exerts
control over the minutest details and behaviors. He punishes severely and
abuses withholders of information and those who fail to conform to his wishes
and goals.
The pedophile does not respect the boundaries and
privacy of the (often reluctant and terrified) child. He ignores his or her
wishes and treats children as objects or instruments of gratification. He seeks
to control both situations and people compulsively.
The pedophile acts in a patronizing and
condescending manner and criticizes often. He alternates between emphasizing
the minutest faults (devalues) and exaggerating the looks, talents, traits, and
skills (idealizes) of the child. He is wildly unrealistic in his expectations
– which legitimizes his subsequent abusive conduct.
Narcissistic pedophiles claim to be infallible,
superior, talented, skillful, omnipotent, and omniscient. They often lie and
confabulate to support these unfounded claims and to justify their actions.
Most pedophiles suffer from cognitive deficits and reinterpret reality to fit
their fantasies.
In extreme cases, the pedophile feels above the law
– any kind of law. This grandiose and haughty conviction leads to criminal
acts, incestuous or polygamous relationships, and recurrent friction with the
authorities.
V. The pedophile regards sex with children as an
ego-booster
Subteen children are, by definition,
"inferior". They are physically weaker, dependent on others for the
fulfillment of many of their needs, cognitively and emotionally immature, and
easily manipulated. Their fund of knowledge is limited and their skills restricted.
His relationships with children buttress the pedophile's twin grandiose
delusions of omnipotence and omniscience. Compared to his victims, the
pedophiles is always the stronger, the wiser, the most skillful and
well-informed.
VI. Sex with children guarantees companionship
Inevitably, the pedophile considers his
child-victims to be his best friends and companions. Pedophiles are lonely,
erotomanic, people.
The pedophile believes that he is in love with (or
simply loves) the child. Sex is merely one way to communicate his affection and
caring. But there are other venues.
To show his keen interest, the common pedophile
keeps calling the child, dropping by, writing e-mails, giving gifts, providing
services, doing unsolicited errands "on the kid's behalf", getting
into relationships with the preteen's parents, friends, teachers, and peers,
and, in general, making himself available (stalking) at all times. The
pedophile feels free to make legal, financial, and emotional decisions for the
child.
The pedophile intrudes on the victim's privacy,
disrespects the child's express wishes and personal boundaries and ignores his
or her emotions, needs, and preferences. To the pedophile, "love"
means enmeshment and clinging coupled with an overpowering separation anxiety
(fear of being abandoned).
Moreover, no amount of denials, chastising,
threats, and even outright hostile actions convince the erotomaniac that the
child not in love with him. He knows better and will make the world see the
light as well. The child and his guardians are simply unaware of what is good
for the kid. The pedophile determinedly sees it as his or her task to bring
life and happiness into the child's dreary and unhappy existence.
Thus, regardless of overwhelming evidence to the
contrary, the pedophile is convinced that his feelings are reciprocated - in
other words, that the child is equally infatuated with him or her. He
interprets everything the child does (or refrains from doing) as coded messages
confessing to and conveying the child's interest in and eternal devotion to the
pedophile and to the "relationship".
Some (by no means all) pedophiles are
socially-inapt, awkward, schizoid, and suffer from a host of mood and anxiety
disorders. They may also be legitimately involved with the child (e. g.,
stepfather, former spouse, teacher, gym instructor, sibling) - or with his
parents (for instance, a former boyfriend, a one night stand, colleagues or
co-workers). They are driven by their all-consuming loneliness and
all-pervasive fantasies.
Consequently, pedophiles react badly to any
perceived rejection by their victims. They turn on a dime and become
dangerously vindictive, out to destroy the source of their mounting
frustration. When the "relationship" looks hopeless, some pedophiles
violently embark on a spree of self-destruction.
Pedophilia is to some extent a culture-bound
syndrome, defined as it is by the chronological age of the child involved.
Ephebophilia, for instance - the exclusive sexual infatuation with teenagers -
is not considered to be a form of pedophilia (or even paraphilia).
In some cultures, societies and countries
(Afghanistan, for instance) the age of consent is as low as 12. The
marriageable age in Britain until the end of the nineteenth century was 10.
Pedophilia is a common and socially-condoned practice in certain tribal
societies and isolated communities (the Island of Pitcairn).
It would, therefore, be wise to
redefine pedophilia as an attraction to or sexual acts with prepubescent
children or with people of the equivalent mental age (e. g., retarded) in
contravention of social, legal, and cultural accepted practices.
